We Skipped Dating & Got Married | She is MORE
And then he proposed to me less than a year later. Who knows, we might get around to it some day. I was with the husband for 5 years before we put our commitment down on paper, and the main reason we did was financial—taxes are easier, and it was the only way for me to get health insurance at the time. For me… I think marriage has to be on the table. My last relationship lasted just under that. We sign a piece of paper.
When You’ve Been Dating Forever, But Aren’t Married
You cook me dinner and fold my clothes, and I vacuum on Fridays and take the cat to the vet. We have a joint checking account, GGG sex, and I want to stay and grow with you as a person. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Dedicated to your stories and ideas.
Fact is, anyone who wants a specific thing must make some compromises to get it—be it a Manhattan apartment or a spouse. If you want marriage, and to be married, you can have that, provided you're willing to do away with the impossible standards and pages-long dealbreaker list for Mr.
In other words, if what you want above all is marriage, you must be willing to commit first and love second. After all, it's only fairly recently that we demanded the whole package: As Stephanie Coontz taught us in Marriage: A History , for most of recorded history, love was considered a pretty fickle reason to get married, and not enough reason to stay—which may be why today, with so many marrying for love alone, so many leave in droves.
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You know where this is going, right? About 55 percent of the world's marriages are arranged—90 percent of which happen in India.
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The divorce rate, as you know, is roughly 50 percent in this country. That's not because people are happier elsewhere, or don't suffer the same emotions or experiences that all couples go through. They do go in, however, with different expectations.
They go in knowing they will make the best of it, and in many cases over the course of history, the bond forms overtime, and love happens—not in all cases, certainly, but a lot more than you realize. Do the countries where arranged marriages happen have a history of being oppressive towards women? Do I like the idea of women not being able to choose? But you can choose. You, like all of us, fell under this spell from a young age that you should just be able to have some magical, everlasting love.
That it's your God-given right, and it "should" happen. But let me ask you: Where else in your life would you expect something like that?
You don't assume you just "deserve" a CEO position if you've never held another office job, and wait around for someone to hand it to you, right? But that's what women and lots of men do when it comes to relationships. Fact is, if you want to be employed, you find a job that's available and you make it work so that you can have the lifestyle you want.
Now I realize corporate hierarchy is a limping analogy. But, in essence, you do want the job.
And if you want to be married and have a married life, then you have to start with what's available and commit to making your life what you want it to be. Though I've never felt the compulsion to get married in the traditional sense, I'll admit, the idea of dating the person you marry is appealing. It's enough to make me wonder if we waste all the good stuff while we're dating and then bore ourselves to tears after vows are exchanged.